Well, I guess I havent had much time for you...

What a week.

I guess I just haven't been myself and I appologize to everyone that I have blown off the last few weeks. I am being a typical college student and attempting to "find myself" I guess. The average grade in my Biology 205 class is a D, we all get excited when scoring a 3 or 4 out of 10 on our quizes but I am not complaining. I have recently discovered that I really hate biology. Ta-da! I could care less about my grades as from a young age both my parents have instilled in my the idea that it doesn't matter about the grade, as long as I do my best. Well, I am doing my best, if I am not interested in the subject at all-- and to be honest-- I could care less about nucleotides-- no matter how hard I study, I will never do very well. Does that make sense?
I made the journey to the Air Force recruitment center this last Friday. It was very eye opening. The last death the Air Force had was a few months ago when a man fell asleep on the runway and got spatted by an airplane attempting to take off. Ever since I had the opportunity to fly an airplane in Rochester, MN with Mr. Jim Leedham, I have wanted to finish earning my pilots license and remain up in the air 'till I run out of fuel. I love the freedom I had being up in the skies. Though the Air Force is the cushiest of branches, I do fear what this election will bring. Will McCain make this the next 100 year war or will Obama begin returning out troups. I am proud to be an American but there are too many ifs and buts for me to dedicate my life to the Air Force as of now. My mom came up to Columbus to see me and it was a nice surprise, I woke up with a very nice hang over and RING! "I am 40 miles away, please tell me you didn't join."
"I didn't. Why are you 40 miles away again?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Oh."
It was nice to see her except for the ridiculous amount of tears that she shed while we were at the park. I am still impressed by how much salt water her eyes can produce. We talked about me taking a year off to work or hike the Appalachian Trail, live with her or live on friend's couches; anything but joining the Air Force. I run from everything that scares me and this next year will be a year of facing my fears. I need to stand up to those around me and fight for what I want, find respect for myself, better myself, and learn to be with others.
I am really enjoying just being. As much as I long to work again, it is nice to not be so stressed.
If I have learned anything this week, it is to listen to my brain a little more. I keep a 300 MAG bullet on my desk to think of the worste and best times of my life. Though I was not there, realizing the fragility of life through Rachel B's story has made me not take life for granted. Living with Chris has taught me the kind of person i want to be and remembering the 3rd of July, Red White and Boom-- the BOOM being when we didn't have fireworks so to keep up with the neighborhood we shot the 300 MAG into the ground leaving a grapefruit sized hole in the ground. For the last few years I have focused on the worst of times but all I can do is live in the now.