This weekend was interesting. I haven't had much to say, I have been busy but not with anything really worth writing about. I once had a teacher that would bite me if she knew I just said that; "if it was worth happening, it is worth writing about" she would say. I guess she is right.
I tend to be attracted to people who need help-- which is ironic considering I might be the person who needs the most help. I have had many friends come and go on their own and people wonder how I can so easily let them run. I don't expect someone to stay if they really don't want to, no one in my life is worth as many tears as I have already shed. I have lost the energy that I once put into fixing friendships and changing myself to bend over backwards for you. I am finally tired. Maybe realizing that I cannot fix your alcoholism, I cannot stop you from doing drugs, I cannot stop you from throwing your education down the drain...maybe realizing all those things will allow me to move on. You downed an entire bottle of Vodka and it was all I could do to not slap you in the face and make you sleep out in the hallway. I put your arm around me to sleep because-- I do care about you-- but you were too drunk to remember. You need help and I can't give it to you. Three years is a long enough time for my attempts to not be working. Realization: 1st step to healthy living.
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