Carry On Luggage

So here I am hanging out with two of my favorite nephews and one of the very best nieces I could ask for and reminiscing about the great night I had yesterday. We are watching Planet of the Apes, cutting out paper hearts for each other, and eating McD's $1 menu...the entire thing. There is never a dull moment in this house.
I am taking a greyhound bus to Knoxville, TN on Monday and it will suck to not see a few particular people for three weeks. Dawn told me that I should try and smuggle my new found friend, (you know, the one I quit looking for), on the bus as my carry-on luggage. I can see the boarding process as something like this:
Driver: "Uhm, sir, do you have a ticket?"
Me: "No, sir, he is my carry-on luggage; he will fit into the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of me...he could just sit in my lap too."
Driver: "You too cannot share a seat unless you are one."
Me: "Uhm...that can be arranged."
There are other options as well, I could throw him on my back and wear a really big coat...
Driver: "Ticket?"
Me: "Not a problem." Then I would walk right on through.

I got this all figured out.