Breathalizer

"My cousin has one of those alcohol things in his car."
"A breathalizer?"
"Yeah...he has had three DUIs so he bought one."
"How old is he?"
"19."

It was at that moment in the convorsation I knew it was going to be a fun night. I wasn't drinking, I was eating my weight in:
1)Mashpotatoes with gravy
2)Ice Cream
3)One Cookie
4)Yogurt
5)Chicken Nuggets
6)French Fries
Now, you see, I had to walk 30min to get to the Sundial, where the good food is, and then continued to walk the entire distance around the campus after getting lost for 1.45hrs. I have no guilt.
Anyway, enough about the wonderful food...I am salivating right now...I need a tissue... So my friends and I get back to the dorm and not three min after I walk in the door, and say, "Honey, I'm home!" An ambulance pulls into the parking lot of my dorm. Due to my curiosity and crave for gossip, I popped my head out my room door only to find 8+ underage drukards standing on my welcome mat. The chillins' had ambled down to our side of the hall for fear of the cops that were called. Long story short, as the EMTs walked away with the gurney...
"Three shots of vodka and he's out?"
"Welcome to college kid."
"Ah, he will enjoy his 7:30 class with a really nice hangover, punishment? Check."